About your donor

Everything you need to know about your donor

Finding a donor can be a confronting task. There is the practical side, like health and screening, and the emotional side, like trust, boundaries, and what this means for your family long term. Below, we cover where to look and the key questions worth asking before you commit.

Where to find a sperm donor

Start by considering whether a known donor is an option for you. For some families, that feels simpler and more transparent. For others, it is not possible or does not feel emotionally safe. If a known donor is not an option, many people explore online communities, including Facebook groups, to find someone suitable.

We found our donor on Facebook. But the landscape can be tricky. Some groups are donor-run and tightly controlled, and in some spaces,s there can be donors who prioritise volume over ethics and long-term outcomes for donor-conceived children.

If you use Facebook, choose groups that are recipient-led where possible, take your time, and do your research. If something feels off, it usually is.

In New Zealand, one recipient-run group that many people recommend is Sperm donation NZ support group .

What to ask your donor and why

Choosing a sperm donor is a significant decision. Asking the right questions early can help protect your health, your boundaries, and your future child’s long term wellbeing.

• What is your motivation for donating?

  This helps you understand intention and values. Many donors genuinely want to help, but it is still important to explore what they want out of the arrangement and whether that aligns with you.

• Have you donated before, and do you have children from previous donations?

  This tells you whether the donation has been successful in the past and, importantly, how many existing donor-conceived children there may already be.

• Do you limit the number of families you will help?

  In a small country like New Zealand, high numbers can increase the risk of accidental relationships between genetic siblings later in life. It also affects your child’s ability to understand their genetic connections and identity as they grow.

  If possible, discuss openness and whether there is a way for families to connect in the future if all parties are comfortable. This can support sibling connections and can also be helpful for medical history or genetics later in life.

  We also recommend hearing from donor-conceived people so decisions are made with your future child in mind. You can read more here.

• Do you want any involvement in the child’s life, and what would that look like?

  There is no right or wrong, but it must be clearly agreed on. If you do move forward, make sure the The agreed level of involvement is reflected in your donor agreement.

  You can find legal guidance and an example agreement here.

• What does your current lifestyle look like?

  Ask about smoking, alcohol use, medications, and recreational drugs. Lifestyle can affect sperm quality and may also matter to you from a values and wellbeing perspective.

• Would you be willing to do a semen analysis if you have not already?

  This can save you time and emotional energy. A semen analysis looks at count, motility, and morphology. If you are organising testing privately, confirm what is included and who covers the cost before you start.

• Would you be willing to do std and infectious disease screening before trying?

  This is an important safety step for both the person carrying the pregnancy and the baby. Screening can be done via a gp or testing provider. Agree on timing and cost up front.

• Can we talk about your family medical history?

  Even if someone is healthy, family history can be important for future healthcare decisions. Ask about hereditary conditions like heart disease, diabetes, strokes, dementia, and some cancers. Also, ask about things that commonly come up in newborns,e such as hip dysplasia or significant childhood health issues. If you want to go deeper, consider genetic carrier screening and discuss it openly with your donor.

• If we wanted another child in the future, would you be open to helping again?

  If you hope for siblings to be genetically related, this is worth discussing early, so expectations are clear.

The nice-to-knows

Some families also like to learn about interests, hobbies, and personality. You might talk about sports, music, what they were like at school, their career, and general traits. For many, this is not a deciding factor, but it can feel comforting to have a fuller picture of the person involved.